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Story By Tony Martins
Dog lovers will surely agree that canine family members are special, and Piggy was a very special dog. She was a big and especially beautiful Irish setter, delightfully well mannered with a strong desire to please. Her laid-back personality and gentleness was more like the temperament of a Labrador retriever than a typically rambunctious and independent Irish setter. Contrary to the popular belief that she was named after the porcine girlfriend of the iconic amphibian Muppet, it was another Labrador trait that accounted for her unusual name – hog-like behavior at feeding time. Born in one of the first litters we produced as newbie bird dog breeders, Piggy was always enthusiastic in this pursuit, though not exceptionally gifted. One physical characteristic however, distinguished her from others of her type – instead of the bright mahogany colored coat sported by most purebred Irish setters, Piggy’s coat was solid black.
Now I suppose in light of today’s cultural chaos one could argue that racism prevented Piggy from becoming a movie star, but it was more likely a misunderstanding. Although her retrieving skills would not be counted among her best assets, she was birdy and loved our hunting trips to the duck club. Wading among my decoys in the shallow ponds was one of her favorite activities, but on one particular outing during an extended drought we ran into a nasty problem – cocklebur infestation. After two days of frolic, and the occasional odd duck retrieve, Piggy’s silky long coat had become a prickly, matted mass of black hair. Returning home with no hope of untangling the mess, I decided to fire up the electric clippers and just shave her entire body. My wife had a different idea however, and made an appointment for Piggy at a nearby dog grooming business. This would be my first time suffering the indignity of taking a hunting dog to one of those “poodle parlors” but the situation warranted such an extreme measure!
With a notable degree of trepidation I drove to the doggie salon to fetch the made-over mutt. After all, Piggy’s tolerance for unruly little dogs of the yappy type was even less than my own – a fact twice confirmed by brief but totally out of character behavioral lapses. Both transgressions required veterinary attention that left us with compensatory repair bills payable to the owners of the undisciplined little aggressors. To my surprise, I found on arrival that Piggy was not caged. Instead she lounged in the middle of the shop unrestrained, in a regal pose with front paws crossed and pink ribbons strategically placed in her gleaming black locks. The salon owners said she was easy to work with and exceptionally well behaved, and then asked if we would allow her to be in the movies. Only 50 miles from Hollywood, they regularly received inquiries about attractive well mannered dogs for roles in various films. Well… yeah!
The only negative in this first time professional grooming experience was that in addition to the bathing, conditioning, combing and blow-drying, they soaked my former hunting dog in perfume – and it wasn’t Chanel No.5! That sickening-sweet smell was so bad that it turned my stomach, and it lingered for a couple of weeks. About the time the fragrance finally faded, we received a call from the personal assistant of a real live Hollywood movie producer. They needed an Irish setter, and asked if we could bring Piggy to town for an audition. I cautioned that Piggy was a black Irish setter, but the assistant assured me this wasn’t a problem. The audition date was set, and when the big day arrived we were up early bathing and grooming our soon-to-be movie star. Just minutes before our scheduled departure for the hour long drive to Hollywood, the telephone rang. It was a representative from the movie production company and predictably, our conversation went something like this:
“Mr. Martins, what color is your dog Piggy?”
“She’s black,” I replied.
“Oh… but we need an Irish setter.”
“She is an Irish setter,” I replied.
“Oh… but, she’s black?”
“Yes, she’s black,” I replied.
“I see. Well, we need a red Irish setter.”
Thus, Piggy’s greatly anticipated career ended before it began, thanks to a racist movie director… or a misunderstanding!
Another of the memorable adventures we shared with this wonderful canine companion was her first camping trip. My wife and I operated a pharmacy automation business in the early evolutionary days of the microcomputer. A system installation and training was scheduled to start on a Monday in late summer, in a town in the Kern River Valley at the southern end of the Sierra Nevada range. The location was four hours away from our Southern California home, so we planned a camping/boating outing at nearby Lake Isabella for the weekend prior. Saturday was a magnificent day, but early Sunday afternoon we were caught by an unexpected monsoon storm. Returning to camp from the lake, we found our tent had collapsed in the rain deluge and all our gear was soaking wet. Fortunately, the computer equipment and our business clothes were safe and dry in the suburban, along with an extra sleeping bag.
That evening we made due in the steambath aftermath, packing all the wet gear into the boat and preparing for a quick departure at sunrise. We retired early in the back of the suburban, lying on our open dry sleeping bag with Piggy curled up at our feet. It was terribly muggy and uncomfortable, so we left the rear doors open and finally drifted off to sleep. Sometime between 2:00 and 3:00 AM we were jolted awake, simultaneously sitting up and gasping for air. It took a few seconds to realize what had taken our breath away – it was the gagging stench emanating from the dog buried between us! Piggy had failed to eat all her food for what surely must have been the first time in her entire life. When a malodorous varmint later showed up to complete the unfinished task, our “hunting” dog apparently awakened and went to investigate. The striped intruder greeted her with a blast of sticky yellowish goo, making a precise hit squarely on top of her sizeable head.
With nothing to clean the mess except a bar of soap and a couple of rain-soaked towels, Piggy and I headed for the campground shower, but twenty minutes of soaping in the cold water didn’t help much. My wife attempted to air out the suburban, but that effort was cut short when the sky lit up with lightning as the storm returned. Forced to close up the vehicle during the subsequent downpour, we spent the remainder of the night in the cold concrete shower enclosure, with a very foul smelling wet dog. Around daylight we realized that our business clothes were hanging in the closed-up suburban! One whiff after opening the doors removed any grogginess from the nearly sleepless night, and I’m sure that we looked pretty silly driving into town for our appointment with our heads sticking out the side windows – all three of us!
I doubt that I have ever been more self-conscious than I was that morning walking into that drug store. Trying to avoid eye contact, I installed the computer and terminals as quickly as possible, and then left to “make sales calls” for a few hours while my wife trained the staff. Truth be told, I made no sales calls. Instead, I walked around town in the breeze trying to freshen my clothing with the still damp and still stinking Piggy dog at my side. Nauseating thoughts of my poor wife, working closely with the staff in the confines of the prescription department, were inescapable.
Back at the pharmacy in the early afternoon there were smiles all around. Training had gone exceptionally well and the owner insisted on treating us to a late lunch. Mr. Osgood was an old-school druggist and a fine gentleman, right out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Remarkably, there was no indication that the polecat perfume had caused any problems. There’s no question that people were more proper and polite back in the day than they generally are today, and there were no odoriferous remarks – although I did notice that the waitress stood farther away from the table when she returned to take our order!
After lunch, Mr. Osgood handed me an envelope containing a check for our services. Later we found the envelope also contained a note with a recipe for a solution that effectively removes the stink from skunk spray. To this day we continue to take dogs on our camping trips, but we learned our lesson! We always pack the skunk treatment ingredients listed in the prescription that was kindly provided by that wise old pharmacist.
Here are the recipe and use directions for Mr. Osgood’s skunk treatment:
- 1 quart Dilute (3%) Hydrogen Peroxide
- ¼ cup Baking Soda
- 2 tbsp Liquid Dish Washing Soap
Mix the ingredients in a small bucket or large bowl and apply to the affected area immediately with light scrubbing, while it is still actively foaming. The solution quickly loses effectiveness as the oxygen generated boils off. This oxygen reacts with the various thiols in the skunk “perfume” to neutralize the foul odor. Do not store the mixed solution in a closed container, as it could blow up.
Gear and Tips for Camping with Canines
In more than 30 years of camping with dogs, I’ve learned to take along some essential items – besides the de-skunking ingredients – to insure a pleasurable outing. Here’s a basic list:
- Portable Kennel or Crate – provides safety while traveling and can be used to securely confine the dog in camp should the need arise.
- Insulated Pad or Blanket – provides warmth and security and will help to keep the dog out of your sleeping bag! Small bed comforters are ideal, and available at most thrift shops for just a few dollars.
- Check Cord / Long Lead or Tie-Out with Stake or Anchor – some public campgrounds require that dogs be restrained, so be prepared and train your dog for this possibility.
- Reflective Collar & Leash – it can be difficult to locate a dark colored dog at night, even with a flashlight.
- Collapsible Food / Water Dish – rigid silicone and soft nylon models are convenient, fit in a backpack and are easily cleaned.
- Doggie Backpack – food for large dogs like Labrador retrievers can add plenty of weight, so train your canine companion to share the load when camping in remote locations.
- Leatherman-type tool – removing wood splinters, cactus stickers or porcupine quills from an injured dog is exceedingly difficult by hand.
- Canine First Aid Kit – excellent pre-packaged kits are available, or make your own. Important items include a rectal thermometer, antiseptic liquid or wipes, antibiotic cream, sterile saline to flush wounds and eyes, bandages (I prefer the self-adhesive latex type like Vetrap, and lots of them), non-stick bandage pads, rolled gauze, adhesive tape, blunt-tipped scissors, locking hemostat forceps, suture kit or skin stapler and buffered aspirin.
- License & Proof of Vaccination
